Self-Love When You are Stuck
How Self-Love Can Feel Impossible When You’re Stuck—And Why It Doesn’t Have to Be
If you've ever heard the term "self-love" and immediately felt like it was something out of reach,
you’re not alone. For many women, especially those of us who feel stuck, lost, or overwhelmed by life, the idea of loving yourself can feel almost impossible. Maybe you’ve been told you need to “love yourself more,” but it sounds like empty advice, far from the reality you live in.
For someone who’s in survival mode or emotionally disconnected, self-love can seem like an unattainable goal—a fluffy, feel-good idea that just doesn’t fit into your world. But what if we could soften that definition? What if self-love didn’t have to be this huge, transformative event, but something much smaller, much gentler, and infinitely more possible?
Why "Self-Love" Feels Off-Putting
When you’re stuck, weighed down by expectations, stress, or trauma, the term "self-love" can feel
almost accusatory. It’s like being told you should do this big, emotional thing that feels completely out of sync with where you are. And that’s the problem with how we often talk about self-love—it sounds like you have to leap from a place of emotional exhaustion straight into a state of peace and self-acceptance. That’s not only unrealistic; it feels discouraging.
Self-love doesn’t have to start with big, grand gestures of worthiness or confidence. In fact, it usually doesn’t. Self-love is built in the tiniest of moments, the smallest acts of kindness you show yourself when you don’t even feel like you deserve them.
A Gentle Approach: Tiny Acts of Self-Compassion
For someone who feels stuck, self-love can begin with something as small as pouring yourself a cup of tea in the morning and taking a few quiet minutes to breathe. Or lighting a candle because it makes your space feel a little nicer, even if only for a few moments. These acts may seem insignificant, but they send a powerful message: that you are worthy of care, even if you’re not where you want to be yet.
Here’s the beauty of these tiny acts: they’re like little sparks. Over time, they add up, creating small shifts in how you see yourself. Each little act is like saying, “It’s safe to show myself kindness,” and eventually, these small sparks can ignite something bigger—self-compassion, self-worth, and yes, even self-love.
Why You Deserve to Start Small
You don’t have to be in love with yourself to begin. You don’t have to feel "worthy" of love. You just need to begin with those little sparks of care and kindness. These micro-moments are a way to let yourself off the hook from the pressure of "transforming." They’re a way of letting yourself know, "I’m allowed to feel good, even if it’s just for this moment."
Self-love isn’t a one-time achievement. It’s a practice, a relationship that you build slowly with
yourself. For those who feel stuck, it’s not about trying to leap into some ideal version of yourself. It’s about making space in your day for the tiniest acts of care, and knowing that’s enough for now.
If self-love feels impossible for you right now, start with the little sparks. What the French call petits plaisirs- little pleasures. As someone still on my journey out of stuck, I can say that even starting teeny tiny can feel uncomfortable. For me, emerging from two decades of emotional abuse, I literally felt like I needed to dive to the ground and take cover for doing something as simple as putting on music I liked.
If you are also struggling with having acts of self-care feel unsafe, go smaller and smaller. Get sneaky and work little things in to allow yourelf to start feeling safe with the idea.
Need Some Guidance to Start with Self-Love?
While many guidebooks on self-love go crazy BIG, I have created a gentle guide that goes nice and small.
Small Sparks, Big Love will even give you permission to rename self-love into something that feels more approachable like self-kindness. This is your journey and this guide is here to meet you where you are.
