The Gaslight Election: How America Keeps Repeating a Narcissistic Cycle

It’s no surprise to anyone who’s lived through a toxic relationship that the 2024 election results have been a brutal déjà vu. For some of us, watching the last few years of U.S. politics has been like staring into a mirror that reflects all the worst moments of our past, blown up on a national stage.

Imagine this: you spend years with someone who pours metaphorical milk over your head. You react like a normal person would. But instead of addressing the mess, he flips the script, gaslighting you into thinking you’re the problem. “What milk?” he says, as it drips down your face. “Why are you so dramatic? Why are you so angry?” If he does halfheartedly acknowledge the incident, it’s just to tell you to “move on” and “stop living in the past.” Sound familiar?

That’s what the last several years with Trump have felt like for so many Americans: witnessing one bold-faced act after another, only to be told it didn’t happen or, if it did, it wasn’t a big deal. The mental energy it takes to try and explain, argue, clarify, and rationalize—to ourselves and others—is the very same energy many of us have exhausted in toxic relationships. And now, waking up to see that so many people have chosen to stand by him again? It feels like a gut punch, a national endorsement of gaslighting.

For me, the arrival of Kamala Harris and Tim Walz was a breath of fresh air, the kind of energy that brought a sense of real possibility back into the picture. They represent compassion, stability, joy, and the kind of leadership that doesn’t require us to constantly prove reality. When Harris was nominated, something shifted in me. I felt an energy return that I hadn’t had in years, and I channeled it into creating Following Sparks, a project that celebrates possibility, self-discovery, and hope. It was the joy of

building something constructive, rather than fighting against endless deflections.

To wake up today and see Trump win the popular vote is a hurt I can barely describe. Knowing that millions of people see the division, the lying, the scapegoating, the misogony, racism, hate, the plain-as-day bullying—and say, “Yes, more of that”—is beyond exhausting. But here’s what I know from those twenty years: when you spend your life trying to make sense of the senseless, you lose so much more than clarity. You lose time, hope, and yourself.

I can’t keep giving my energy to understanding this, and that’s a decision that feels like freedom. So here’s what I’m choosing to focus on instead: creating, connecting, and staying rooted in the things that lift us up rather than drain us down. There will be many “milk-pourers” in this world, but we don’t have to stick around and try to change them.

In Following Sparks, I’ve found a purpose that doesn’t require me to play defense all the time. And maybe that’s the best thing we can all do in times like this—focus our energy on what we’re building, not what we’re battling. If you’re feeling drained, exhausted, or just plain hurt by all this, I hope you’ll find your own project, passion, or purpose that gives you energy back.

Here’s to reclaiming our lives from all the “What Milk?” moments.

XOXO

Here's a follow-up post with some ideas of how to make the shift from always wanting to explain and find reason, to kindling your own sparks.

Need to start setting boundaries and reclaim your peace?

Also check out my resources for some free spark starters to get you the heck out of this mental mess.